Books by Paul Merrill
Muddle Your Way
This is the book dads across the world have been waiting for all their lives, whether they’re on the verge of becoming a dad, or already knee-deep in kids. They just didn’t know they were waiting.
Letting you in on the insider secrets the so-called ‘real’ parenting books don’t dare tell you, this will arm you with all the tips and excuses you’re going to need to seem like a vaguely competent father.
If you have chosen the right mother for your children
Simple ways to avoid being assaulted during childbirth
How to change a nappy in 17 easy stages
Coping strategies for if your son becomes a nerd
The greatest lies to tell your kids
If you can make your child less stupid
Tell-tale signs your teenager has become a terrorist
Using a series of scientifically-questionable quizzes, flowcharts, checklists and celebrity advice, this award-worthy book will quite possibly be the most important thing you ever read and will ensure that no one thinks you’re a terrible father again. Except possibly your kids, but they don’t count.
"So, so funny. Hilarious stuff. All dads have got to buy this."
"Why hasn't there been a book like this? It's so funny, such a good read. I loved it.”
“So funny! And also very honest. There need to be more books like this.”
Muddle Your Way Through
Being a Grandparent
Hot on the heels of the critically acclaimed Muddle Your Way Through Fatherhood comes the follow up… possibly the funniest and most un-PC book for grandparents ever published.
This spoof guidebook is aimed at today’s generation of grandparents who refuse to be treated as befuddled old dears. It takes them through a hilarious series of scientifically questionable quizzes, flowcharts, role playing exercises, checklists and celebrity advice. It will arm potential grandparents everywhere with the essential tips and tricks the so-called experts don’t dare to tell you.
What to do if you don’t like your child’s choice of partner.
Ways to inform your son or daughter that they’re a hopeless parent.
Which illnesses to fake to get out of babysitting.
Simple ways to make your ‘in my day’ stories more exciting.
What happens when grannies go evil.
Buying presents your grandchildren might not hate.
Are you a funky crumbly?
Of course, you could read a normal book on grandparenting, full of nice, fluffy ways to bond with your grandchild and Oprah-inspired guff on modern child-rearing. Yes, it might make you a better grandparent. But at what cost?
Your children have an agenda here, and you need to understand what it is. Even now, they are plotting ways to exploit your energy, money and Tim Tams.
With this book, the fight back begins . . .
"Funny and un-PC…read it!"
"Such a clever idea, and so many laughs. I loved it!”
Gus Worland, Triple M
“Brilliantly funny, un-PC spoof - clever and terrifyingly true, a must for grandparents and all the family.”
Kid Around magazine
A Polar Bear Ate My Head
A humorous memoir detailing the life of a magazine editor, and the surreal events surrounding the launch of Zoo Weekly in the UK and Australia.
When the men’s titles, Zoo and Nuts burst onto the market, they transformed the magazine landscape and thrust Merrill stumbling haplessly into a bewildering and shocking world in the full glare of the media spotlight.
He judged a naked beauty contest with Leo Sayer, attacked Tony Blair with a glove puppet, upset Donald Trump, threw a biscuit at Christopher Lee, received advice on stain removal from Gordon Brown and gave his home address to a serial killer. He also ran competitions to find the country’s Randiest Nanna, Hottest Horse Dentist and Ugliest Baby.
In a series of other debacles, he tried to burn Spit the Dog, got a Groundforce star arrested in Greece and made Cheryl Cole burst into tears. He also wheeled Mo Mowlam through central London on a motorised bed when she became his sex agony aunt.
After an understandable backlash from right-thinking people across the nation, he launched a search for Britain’s Sexiest Feminist. Then he was unexpectedly deported to Australia to launch the magazine there, and things got even more bizarre and, at times, disastrous.
In an eventful few years, Merrill received three death threats, persuaded the Prime Minister’s daughter to strip off, adopted a four-legged chicken, was nearly sent to jail for inciting terrorism, had a dwarf basted and lost 130,000 pairs of inflatable boobs in the South China Sea.
Along the way, he received a personal letter from Arnold Schwarzenegger banning him from California and upset Al Jazeera by offering Oprah Winfrey £300,000.
"Straight up the funniest book I’ve ever read – and I haven’t read many books."
Aussie Rules legend Warwick Capper
"Such a funny book - we loved it, and so did everyone in the office. You've really GOT to read it.”
Amanda Keller WSFM
“You’re guaranteed a laugh a page.”
1002 Funniest Man Facts
Did you know that one in 10,000 chickens is transgender? Or that Hitler made the world’s first 3D movie? Well you’ll learn these and 1000 other side-splittingly ridiculous titbits of wholly useless bloke data in this classic Aussie book.
From robo-sharks and space vomit to killer cheese, monster machines and zombie-proof houses, it will contain everything you need to be proclaimed a hero by your jealous mates down the pub.
You’ll gasp at choice morsels of trivia such as:
The buttocks are the hardest body part to tan
The water in a blue whale’s mouth weighs more than the whale itself.
Humans used cows’ milk for painting 40,000 years before they realised they could drink it.
Javelins were invented 80,000 years before humans evolved.
The largest ever tumour weighed 41kg more than the woman it was attached to
Women cause 72 per cent of bathroom floods in Australia
The man who popularised the high five only had four fingers
There is a village in southern Russia where all 400 inhabitants can tight-rope walk.
Most Muppets are left handed
Sixty-five per cent of Pakistani soldiers have dandruff
Mercedes Benz employs a full-time sniper.
Guards at Parliament House In Canberra were banned from calling anyone ‘mate’
The most laugh-out-loud fact book ever written, and jam-packed with enough strange-but-true-blue Australian stories and weirdness to keep any man entertained and bemused for days.
“Jaw dropping…a fool-proof way to outsmart the competition!”
Sonia Kruger, Channel 9
“And here’s me using the Internet for my facts. No more! All the most ridiculous and funniest facts you’ll ever need are in this book.”
Brendan ‘Jonesy’ Jones, WSFM
“It’ll make sure you deliver the ultimate trivia smackdown!”
David Campbell, Today Extra
Bumper Animal Quiz Book
Aimed at discerning 8-12-year-olds, or undiscerning teenagers, this question-packed compendium is all but guaranteed to keep any curious child bemused and entertained for multiple days.
Gasp at how much you didn't know you didn't know about Antipodean fauna, and then breathe easily knowing you've become a more well-rounded individual by reading it cover to cover, recommending it to all your mates and refusing to lend them your edition.
Bumper Aussie Quiz Book
The science-based majesty of this timely follow up to the lesser animal quiz book above will leave your extended family worshipping your otherworldly grasp of terrifically tangential Down Under knowledge.
So go bumper to bumper and buy BOTH for the loving bibliophile in your life. I'll even sign your copy so you can't get a refund.
Aussie Road Trip Quiz & Activity Book
This strictly limited edition paperback will literally be the book with the longest title you purchase this year. It’ll also contain more scintillating and highly counter-intuitive factoids than anything by Tim Winton or Elizabeth Gilbert.
Already causing a stir in literary circles, it’s the third book in the bumper quiz book series, which, with a little Sellotape, builds into a highly-collectable partwork.
Hurry before it’s heavily discounted!
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Australia's Most Dangerous Quiz Book
Seen by many as the 'dark' one of the series, this magnificently manipulated pile of curated science and nature scary bits will terrify and delight in equal measure. The faint-hearted should approach with caution, but ultimately slap down the cash and complete their highly-collectable Paul Merrill Quiz Book Collection.
This strictly limited release is selling faster than any book by Prince Harry and contains noticeably less moaning about Prince William.
The Unauthorised History of Aussie Blokes
For the first time ever, the glorious story of the great Aussie Bloke can be told.
How did he so majestically emerge from the Paleolithic swamps to become the fine specimen of masculinity he is today?
The perilous journey of discovery takes us back thousands of years as we find out about ancient weaponry, unusual pants, power tools, deep fried beer, musical toilet roll holders, jetpacks, rubber chicken, aerosol hair and a smart dunny.
Upon reading this award-worthy book, you will reconnect with your inner Neanderthal, and become 37.4 per cent more impressive to your family.
The world’s fastest man shed
An infamous torture device that never existed.
Greatest Australian blokes of all time
Why a tool belt stopped apes ruling the planet
A mass murderer who invented hamburgers
How cheese ended the Vietnam War
The hero castrated for using the wrong urinal
Twelve inventors killed by their inventions
Packed with over a thousand bizarre and unexpected pieces of trivia and laugh-out-loud true stories, this is an ingenious celebration of being a proud 21st Century Aussie larrikin. Who says there’s no future in history…
“There’s no way I’m giving you a quote for the back cover, mate.”